Early this week I was feelingg down. Do you have those times when you completely fall, stop being strong and just give in? It is weird, I have a strange relationship with those feelings. I do not like feeling that way because I feel sad, I am hopeless and mostly because I'm vulnerable. I don't want anybody to see me that way. However, at the same time, it feels sooo good. I am relived because it is like you touched the bottom and there is nowhere deeper you can go. You can't do anything but embrace those feelings, understand them or just accept them.
I believe in God and I believe every person has the Holly Spirit in their hearts, a voice or whatever you want to call it, that knows who you are, that knows what you feel, that knows what you have been through and most importantly, that knows what you need. That voice reminded me of a song. It was so strange because it fitted perfectly to that moment. The song says:
"whatever you are doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace".
What a perfect line to describe what I was feeling. I am a stubborn person, and I know I have to pay attention and work in so many aspects in my life, but instead, I just go with the flow. I'm always too busy working, going to the gym, taking classes, reading amazing articles, checking facebook, instagram, whatsapp, you name it! But I hardly stop and feel, listen, analyze or consciously decide what my next step will be.
I'm feeling awesome now, but what did I gain this time from this "episode"? I learned that I have to be patient. I'm asking God to guide my way but I let him do that partially. Yet, I want things my way and I get extremely frustrated because they don't happen that way! But wait, did I stop to think maybe they are not happening because is not the right way, the right time or the right thing?
Realizing that gave me so much peace and has helped me since then to get calm whenever I get anxious.
Let's see how that goes, hopefully I won't forget!