martes, 30 de diciembre de 2014

Do you even know what is it that you want the most?

Do you even know what is it that you want the most?
If you do, do you think it is really something worth fighting for? Are you doing something for getting it? Are you getting closer to accomplish it? Or are you just like me at this point in my life where I want so many things that I'm not really sure where to start and even worse, I'm not doing anything specific for getting it.
I'm not a very structured person. I don't follow an agenda or set monthly or weekly goals. I don't want my life to be so organized. I like the "surprise" effect. However, I've realized that I do need some of that, otherwise, how would I get to where I want? I make messes in my mind. Thoughts come and go through and I can't tame them. Lots of times they are never spoken and very often they are the same! 
I'm so bad at expressing my feelings. I prefer listening to other people and not saying much about myself. 
Since we are one day away from 2015, and as it is very common to have new year's resolutions. I'm doing one right now: expressing my feelings and putting my ideas together, starting by writing them down. They are not going to get stuck in my head anymore. Somebody might read it, it might be useful for other people or it may just be useful for me, which is the main reason why I'm doing it! Well, I also want to become a famous writer and I'm also starting here!

It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace

Early this week I was  feelingg down. Do you have those times when you completely fall, stop being strong and just give in? It is weird, I have a strange relationship with those feelings. I do not like feeling that way because I feel sad, I am hopeless and mostly because I'm vulnerable. I don't want anybody to see me that way. However, at the same time, it feels sooo good. I am relived because it is like you touched the bottom and there is nowhere deeper you can go. You can't do anything but embrace those feelings, understand them or just accept them.

I believe in God and I believe every person has the Holly Spirit in their hearts, a voice or whatever you want to call it, that knows who you are, that knows what you feel, that knows what you have been through and most importantly, that knows what you need. That voice reminded me of a song. It was so strange because it fitted perfectly to that moment. The song says: 
"whatever you are doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace". 
What a perfect line to describe what I was feeling. I am a stubborn person, and I know I have to pay attention and work in so many aspects in my life, but instead, I just go with the flow. I'm always too busy working, going to the gym, taking classes, reading amazing articles, checking facebook, instagram, whatsapp, you name it! But I hardly stop and feel, listen, analyze or consciously decide what my next step will be.
I'm feeling awesome now, but what did I gain this time from this "episode"? I learned that I have to be patient. I'm asking God to guide my way but I let him do that partially.  Yet, I want things my way and I get extremely frustrated because they don't happen that way! But wait, did I stop to think maybe they are not happening because is not the right way, the right time or the right thing?
Realizing that gave me so much peace and has helped me since then to get calm whenever I get anxious.

Let's see how that goes, hopefully I won't forget!